So you want to make a movie.

You want to be the person who sits in the big chair, with your name on the back, a power player. The person who with one haughty word can send people scurrying; your assistant growls at his assistant, who snaps at her associate, who curtly addresses the union steward, who gruffly gives the okay for his key grip to use a C-47 on that situation. And where is your soy mochachino latte?

That's how problems get solved on big movie sets on the dream coast.

But this is Richmond, boyo, where dreams cost money or they die hard. Tim Reaper and Monica Moehring know, and they have a story about making a movie. They co-wrote the script, Moehring acted and Reaper directed. It took a year and half, filming when they could, on holidays, weekends and whenever schedules for the crew and cast came together.

None of the actors, none of the crew, was paid in the traditional way of American capitalism, meaning they didn't get a paycheck. They did however each take turns bringing dinner to the set.

Oh, and they made a movie, "Lights Camera Dead," a full length horror film with "Less Bore… More Gore." Copyright applied for. The Richmond premiere is Saturday, at "Richmond's Landmark Movie Palace," The Byrd Theater.  

The premiere is but another step on a long road for Reaper and Moehring.

They bonded over their mutual love for horror movies, such as "Hellraiser" (on this day, its seems that the first one is Reaper's favorite, the second one is Moehring's), "Evil Dead" (there is some back and forth about which is better, one or two), older black and white monster movies like "Frankenstein" (Reaper) and "Bride of Frankenstein" (Moehring) and newer movies like "Shaun of the Dead" and "Dead Alive" (both and both).

They mention that their film, while never skimping on gore, "is a dark comedy. We wanted to make a movie we'd want to see inspired by what we like."

And so they started writing. Moehring explained, "We wrote three feature length scripts. And we looked at [them] and said, 'This is impossible. We don't have money for this.' We wanted to make a movie. Instead of trying to get tons of money, let's go back and try to write a script for a movie that we can realistically make, that's within our means."

Being realistic meant deciding to shoot digitally instead of on film. Now, film geeks will no doubt howl like a werewolf or gnash their vampire fangs to hear it, but for Reaper it was a no-brainer.

"I'd love to shoot a movie on film sometime. But we wanted to make a movie," Reaper said. "It seemed like sometimes things weren't possible. So in trying to do what's possible, I don't even think it was a question of shooting on film because it's too expensive."

It worked out well given their shooting schedules and the limitations they faced in everything from locations to scheduling to financing (they paid for the whole thing out of pocket). They could do a take, look at it on a monitor and make any necessary adjustments.

One scene, the infamous Rain Sequence, was shot partly in June and partly in December. This sequence also featured a novel solution to one of the many technical, or in this case meteorological, challenges they faced -- they needed rain.

So they pieced together seventy feet of PVC pipe and started drilling holes in it. They put the camera on one side, and the actors stood either under the pipe or on the far side of it. In the movie it sure looks like rain; people got wet.

Both Moehring and Reaper are eager to dole out praise to all those who donated their time and talents to the project. "We were lucky with the actors we had, the commitment they had to our project," explained Moehring.

"One guy, JC, had to sit all night, for three nights, dead, with Karo syrup on him," Reaper added. "And a [special] effect on his stomach. And just be dead. Up against a barbed wire fence. On the cold ground."

This is about as far from the land of lattes as you can get. Serendipity smiled upon them in other ways, too. While scouting locations they stopped at a farm to inquire if the owner knew of any abandoned farmhouses they might use for a movie shoot.

The owner, Mr. Bain, said he didn't know of any, but would they like to see the renovation he was doing on his grandfather's house? During the tour they saw it, heard its zombie mating call -- another house on the Bain property.

Mr. Bain had practically forgotten about it, didn't use it, you see, it's haunted. A haunted house? For a horror movie? The God of Poor But Determined Movie Makers was smiling upon them. Mr. Bain even had power run to the site for them. They shot at the farm for nine nights, and this footage is a big chunk of the final film.

This kindness, and selfless giving, pervaded the entire project. Local bands Darkest Hour and Immortal Avenger provided music for the film.

And surprise, Richard Christy, a horror movie-lover, heavy metal drummer and potty mouthed guest on the Howard Stern show makes a cameo. Moehring and Reaper promise that his appearance in the film is "very funny." Christy will also be hosting the premiere at the Byrd on Saturday night. The movie promises more gore than a GWAR show. What more, Richmond, do you want out of a Saturday night?

"Lights Camera Dead" premieres Saturday, September 6 at 4 p.m. at the Byrd Theater. Tickets are $4. See www.lightscameradead.com for details.